to the day I left to go to the hospital to have the baby.
I have pictures of his first ultra-sound at DMU
and the ultra-sound through my gyn/ob.
And then I have pictures of the day my baby was born - the actual moment he took his first breath
and his first swaddle in the arms of his daddy for the very first time.
I remember how just one single tear drop rolled from my left eye as I touched my baby for the first time without the skin of my belly in between us.
I have watched my Ethan P. - unable to stay awake though his first ten minute feedings where grandma Susie had to pick him up and help wake the little boy so he could finish his meal
to today, where he's actively looking at me and using his tiny little hands to explore his hair, his ears and those same tiny little fingers wrapping around my finger as he's so very content and able to stay awake though the whole feeding.
I remember the first week home from the hospital while I took a long hot shower while Grand-ma Susie was with Phin. I stood under the hot stream of water thinking about how I am thirty-one years old and I could not remember a time that I have been so happy since I was a little girl (the youngest child at the time) playing patty-cake with my mommy in the old farm house while she rocked me. At the end of the patty-cake, MY mommy would tickle me and I would immediately say "Do it again!" We must have played patty-cake twenty times. So many years had passed between then and now. Tears filled my eyes as I was again able to see and feel that safety of my mother around me and also had the privilege of being able to hold the warm little body of the guy I helped make thinking of the future when I could play patty cake with him over and over and over again.
I swear I have over a hundred pictures of Phin sleeping - each one just as important as the last, as his face changes every single day.
Today, when we left the house to visit Grandmother Allen and the Great Grandparents in Kirksville, and I noticed that there were leaves that had dropped to the ground.
On the car ride to Kirksville, while I was so very tired from a lack of sleep, Dan and I talked about how today at 12:32p our baby would be one month old... and we don't know how it happened. All of the things I have listed above are things all parents experience. The thing is, I don't want to forget any single moment of it. I feel so very lucky to have Phin and each member of my family who has gone out of their way to meet my little baby.
Today my baby is one month old.
Phin is one twelfth of one year old and while that certainly isn't even a mile stone in the girth of the whole long life I hope he lives, it's significant for me. It's important enough for me that I want to share it with you.
Happy one month Phin! We all look forward to many, many more!
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